So Tired..

last week and this week's alil' crazy..
it's busy, busy, busy!
I am like, so tired now..feel like taking a rest altho its only 9pm.
am contemplating whether I shld sleep then wake up early do wrk.

=/

hais.
all my lectures and tutorials are all so fallin' behind man.
cos I nv do.

if I want to say it in a good way (for myself), it's cos this sem's modules are just so xiong.
if I want to say it in a bad way, it's juz bad time management and the many distractions.

why sia..=/

hais. ytd I so totally slacked.. din do any work at all.. and I was watching a Taiyo No Uta.. introduced by Pinwen..next up, if I am less busy, I'd wanna watch 1 Litre of Tears and Moon Child (the latter is what Iwanted to watch when I was younger!! cos it featured Gackt =P the former I heard is a damn good tearjerker/sob fest..) I was kinda inspired.. I must keep telling myself that no matter how stressful things are I should preservere and always look on the bright side. I should not cry unnecesarily..lol!! cos my tears are precious !!

after all, this ordinary life I have, may be what some people, more than anything would want/wish for- to lead an ordinary life..and I think actually, so far the stress levels I have been exposed to is manageable. I do not have a CCA or have not joined a club anyways.. so I really don't know why I can get so stressed. I think it's just my worries. I am constantly worried.. and recently, I am just so lazy..

don't listen at lectures (I think oso cos I joke alot then oso v noisy lah the people ard me), don't do tutorials (never even print) etc, etc.. it's kinda disappointing, the way I am now.

=(

the way things are, it's hard to be happy..
but I think I must learn to be happy, take things by my stride, and DEAL with it..

anyway..recently found out from Reno (Yvonne's bro) that I look lyk gothic? I never knew that.. I only draw eyeliner means gothic meh. haha. anyway I was past tt stage already also leh..then Clara said that too.. then TY agreed, saying I look gothic (guess tt kinda translates to tough too) on the outside, but inside, I am soft (aliken to weak- which I agree, to some degree, I am) then Clara's sis thot I ahlian from far!? abit HUHH~ then I ask Reno he said abit. very HUHH..sometimes he say abit huh things as well.gosh.

then he oso said/agree to some things I said like I got big head and face..that I have "unkempt hair" =( I thot wavy only- is it that bad!! walau eh.. then he suggested (he asked Yvonne) that I rebond..I think I'd juz get a hair straightener so I can straighten my fringe and occasionally, wear my hair up (reason I dont do so cos I got wavy fringe then look so funny..last time I got straight hair I do tt,lol)

the thing is, I know I have a big head and face..and also, I admit I don't know how to style my hair and sometimes, my hair just irritates me (and other ppl lyk vanessa cos I keep asking her whether I shld rebond LOL but tts last time), I kind of accepted that already.. but him bringing it up is just making me even more conscious..

and I start to think about other stuff lyk how I don't like my body structure as well..
I always feel I have a short/fat neck and I want more obvious collarbones and toned arms because sideview I look tubby haha..

but then again, if I really did achieve a lean body, will it fit my big head?
gosh.
the dilema of being a female.

today went to sch with tied hair bcos it matches my outfit- wore a jumper! (asked Clara and mama wear too haha but mama forgot -.-) then when wind blow at the bridge I just get so conscious..

hais.
I think I so long nv wear spag oso I conscious liao. last time was quite ok about it bcos I was more tanned (thus seem less lean- more willing to bare) now I feel lyk chicken WAHHAA..haiyah. but then I am trying to switch to the thinking that "nian qing shi wo de ben fen".. I shld wear what I want now. wear what I can now. next time fat, old and ugly le how to wear !! yalor..

but I have fallen in love with jeans leh.
haha.

oh well..
made a bet with mama tt I can wear skirts all the way till fri. of course I can do it lah! last time I wear skirts everyday 1 leh (sometime during poly last time- think year 1 or 2) cos back then I feel short so I think I look betta in skirts-lol..(only time nv wear is have period)

and I don't know why my grp thinks I am kind of "not-v-feminine"? I admit I don't lyk too feminine clothes la n too feminine ways, but then there are times I want to dress feminine or nice too what..so I get kinda huh when they so shocked I wear a long skirt, or wear nicer then usual. then they say wear so nice go where..

=/ then I don't know if I shld even wear nice anot next time cos they say tt..haha..

oh well. anyway I AM DYING FOR A LONG BLACK CARDIGAN!

T.T
I want tt so I can wear my old clothes (lyk all the spag I have last time) and cos it's so nice!!

dyinggggggggg for ittttttttt gah!!

been shopping online alot for it and it's wasting my time

man. I am wasting my time now too supp to do Event Mgt Presentation Slides, but Tim haven send the slides yet..-.-