A Heart of Brokenness, a conditioned heart
yesterday was CCN Day and cellgrp day..
CCN Day was great.. a lot of my frens came to support ^-^ and I was touched!
thanks u guys, if anyone who came to support ever come across this (wahaha. I oso nv give u guys link! =P except close frens or ppl who use to read my blog LOL)
anyways, my class 3BO7 was selling candy floss/cotton candy. we keep changing prices but still got ppl buy HAHA.
Welson (who knew the candy floss guy from bball I think), Keefe, my 2 "sons" came to support me! and ppl I know from SL- Jerline, Kenny and Kaiwai (my freshies!), and sweet frens Corrine, Esther, Ratna(are you reading? HAHA!!), Sasha n TY came by to buy from me too! and Jesse in a hurried donated $2 (wah, so generous)-he looked all smart like he's going for some formal thing (he's wearing formal) AHHH~~!! I felt very touched.
I forgot who else bought =/ so if I have forgotten to mention you, I'm sorry cos I have bad memory!!
I realised after going for all these camps, I knew quite alot of ppl lol.. mebbe I'd join nxt year hehe.
sasha said alot of cute guys were walkin ard. lol quite true. I saw some1 I know (forgot his name temporarily) the twin brother (I think is his twin bro la cos he look more "pai"- got black nails smmore!!n nv wear specs. his fren cute sia ahaha. then I was persuading the some1 I know to buy cotton candy but he abit reluctant+we were debating abt whether he's the "some1 I know" (cos I dunno he bluffing or what. his fren is lyk saying he's the some1 I kno T.T instead of the twin bro -.-)
ya, n I kinda did a stupid thing after the fren bought from me (instead of the some1 I kno. yeah~ dumb right. the friend who dunno me buy from me the some1 I kno nv.. -.- walau! so unsupporting 1!) then b4 I left I say to his fren "u rAwk!" n b4 I ran away I said to "some1 I kno" "ur fren v cute!! wahahaha!" then *run away* LMAO. ok, stupid stuffs I do sometimes, I know.. it has increased after I met Samantha LOL. even Clara is infected with the kiddish voice persona (Sasha has mentioned it today when I met her. she say sometimes its irritating!! T.T sorry! lol! she say its quite bimbo lol)
b4 CCN Day ended I was quite emo bcos our sales weren't lookin so good, n we were makin a loss. in a way, its kinda expected. Fel said I was naive to think we would make profits, perhaps it was so. then I was at the live band area with Clara n Pinwen and they were playing emo music tt made me more emo. LOL. go back to stall tt time I saw Gab taking out the "posters" for our stall n tt scene was juz so emotional.
well, on the good side, altho we made losses of $20++, I decided to look at the bright side bcos all in all, CCN was a fun n memorable day bcos of all my frens' support, the fun I had with mama n Pinwen when we walked ard slackin(we joked alot too whaha), the fun I had with Clara, Mama n Pinwen selling Cotton Candy, despite the emo-ness.I guess I was emo bcos all these had to end.
oh well. y din my prev class participate in CCN ? -.- actually gotta thank Yi Shien for his initiativeness to liase with tutor for CCN Day.. if he din step up, I think we prob wont b doin a thing. N oso to Steph for contributing $50 first for the float (which we will return) ELena for getting the contact (altho she bought rather expensive materials for the packaging -.- which was quite huh la. the plastics were $11 n we din need so many, n the twister thing is lyk $5+!)
u know, I really admire Yi Shien for his ON-ness man. he seem so quiet but actually, he so ON. buy face paint n paint on his face n the way he dared to go ask ppl to buy was totally unexpected. WAHA. n he actually took out 100bucks to pay in advance for the renting of the machine!
ah well..
the only sad thing abt CCN Day was tt I din get to go ard to visit other places!! T.T
so din have MAXMIMUM FUN. =/ wah, I still rmb last CCN design sch damn ass, they cheated my $11.supp to print shirt for me but nv contact me back! (cos I left my contact, then I nv take theirs) KNN.
ah, forget it. I hope the money at least goes to charity or I wish they'd meet with bad luck hehe. I'm so evil.
ah! speakin abt charity, I think my class shld contribute $1 each on top of the $1 (used to break even) so tt at least our class contributed something. if not we contribute zero dollars (cos we make losses what) abit what one cos the purpose of holding such things is for class bonding AND raising funds. I dunno hw to say la. I think I'd suggest it to Yi Shien.
oh man..anyway, durin CCN I missed him whaha.
but I knew I have to forget him.
during cellgrp I was shocked that Grace, my CGL mentioned that she wants to wash our feet, in an act of her love for God. in the Bible, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. I cant imagine it lah, Jesus, the sacred being, the pure unsinning Savior who came down to the world to nail our sins on the cross, washing his disciples feet! the disciples must have cried their hearts out. I cried when Grace spoke some words to me after washing my feet. when she washing I abit paiseh so nv cry.haha..
the other members oso got their feet washed (kinda reminds me of tt time in KC when the principal did tt for some students too!) n I was praying n singing, I kinda felt tt I shouldn't focus on things of the heart anymore (thinking about him). I mean, hello, I know I abit no time to commit if I gone into a r/s. and since I think he's not into me, y should I bother n waste my time thinking n being sad about him when there's more important things like God and studies?
I've been so far away from God..I know I have to go back to Him but its quite hard..and maybe I'm procrastinating. u know, during service I can actually feel that I am losing my spirit.. I keep falling asleep. dont know is tired or just bored. I hope is not the latter. sometimes I really think I have a cold heart. or a heart tt's turns so cold so fast (sorry if I sound insane)
I am just not sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
n some things r just so ironic. like how it's so hard/it takes so much time to forget things of the world like my crush (-.-) n so easy to forget the goodness of God, and the things Jesus has done for us, n blessed us..
I think its really time to get the book I wanted to do long time ago done, which is penning in the book the things God has really blessed me in, my experiences with Him. Tho I have not really been close to Him in experiences as others have (like feeling the weight of God thru belaying of Pastor's hands then "fainting" bcos His Glory is too strong/magnificant for us humans to withstand, for we have fallen short of His glory), I guess penning little experiences n remembering them/keeping them close to my heart constantly helps.
I wish I knew how to play the guitar.
so I could know how to sing n worship you always.
Lord teach me your ways,
and condition my heart from the worldly things
A heart of brokenness is what I seek,
teach me to be humble,
teach me to be free
teach me to be strong,
so I will soar with you
not turning away
CCN Day was great.. a lot of my frens came to support ^-^ and I was touched!
thanks u guys, if anyone who came to support ever come across this (wahaha. I oso nv give u guys link! =P except close frens or ppl who use to read my blog LOL)
anyways, my class 3BO7 was selling candy floss/cotton candy. we keep changing prices but still got ppl buy HAHA.
Welson (who knew the candy floss guy from bball I think), Keefe, my 2 "sons" came to support me! and ppl I know from SL- Jerline, Kenny and Kaiwai (my freshies!), and sweet frens Corrine, Esther, Ratna(are you reading? HAHA!!), Sasha n TY came by to buy from me too! and Jesse in a hurried donated $2 (wah, so generous)-he looked all smart like he's going for some formal thing (he's wearing formal) AHHH~~!! I felt very touched.
I forgot who else bought =/ so if I have forgotten to mention you, I'm sorry cos I have bad memory!!
I realised after going for all these camps, I knew quite alot of ppl lol.. mebbe I'd join nxt year hehe.
sasha said alot of cute guys were walkin ard. lol quite true. I saw some1 I know (forgot his name temporarily) the twin brother (I think is his twin bro la cos he look more "pai"- got black nails smmore!!n nv wear specs. his fren cute sia ahaha. then I was persuading the some1 I know to buy cotton candy but he abit reluctant+we were debating abt whether he's the "some1 I know" (cos I dunno he bluffing or what. his fren is lyk saying he's the some1 I kno T.T instead of the twin bro -.-)
ya, n I kinda did a stupid thing after the fren bought from me (instead of the some1 I kno. yeah~ dumb right. the friend who dunno me buy from me the some1 I kno nv.. -.- walau! so unsupporting 1!) then b4 I left I say to his fren "u rAwk!" n b4 I ran away I said to "some1 I kno" "ur fren v cute!! wahahaha!" then *run away* LMAO. ok, stupid stuffs I do sometimes, I know.. it has increased after I met Samantha LOL. even Clara is infected with the kiddish voice persona (Sasha has mentioned it today when I met her. she say sometimes its irritating!! T.T sorry! lol! she say its quite bimbo lol)
b4 CCN Day ended I was quite emo bcos our sales weren't lookin so good, n we were makin a loss. in a way, its kinda expected. Fel said I was naive to think we would make profits, perhaps it was so. then I was at the live band area with Clara n Pinwen and they were playing emo music tt made me more emo. LOL. go back to stall tt time I saw Gab taking out the "posters" for our stall n tt scene was juz so emotional.
well, on the good side, altho we made losses of $20++, I decided to look at the bright side bcos all in all, CCN was a fun n memorable day bcos of all my frens' support, the fun I had with mama n Pinwen when we walked ard slackin(we joked alot too whaha), the fun I had with Clara, Mama n Pinwen selling Cotton Candy, despite the emo-ness.I guess I was emo bcos all these had to end.
oh well. y din my prev class participate in CCN ? -.- actually gotta thank Yi Shien for his initiativeness to liase with tutor for CCN Day.. if he din step up, I think we prob wont b doin a thing. N oso to Steph for contributing $50 first for the float (which we will return) ELena for getting the contact (altho she bought rather expensive materials for the packaging -.- which was quite huh la. the plastics were $11 n we din need so many, n the twister thing is lyk $5+!)
u know, I really admire Yi Shien for his ON-ness man. he seem so quiet but actually, he so ON. buy face paint n paint on his face n the way he dared to go ask ppl to buy was totally unexpected. WAHA. n he actually took out 100bucks to pay in advance for the renting of the machine!
ah well..
the only sad thing abt CCN Day was tt I din get to go ard to visit other places!! T.T
so din have MAXMIMUM FUN. =/ wah, I still rmb last CCN design sch damn ass, they cheated my $11.supp to print shirt for me but nv contact me back! (cos I left my contact, then I nv take theirs) KNN.
ah, forget it. I hope the money at least goes to charity or I wish they'd meet with bad luck hehe. I'm so evil.
ah! speakin abt charity, I think my class shld contribute $1 each on top of the $1 (used to break even) so tt at least our class contributed something. if not we contribute zero dollars (cos we make losses what) abit what one cos the purpose of holding such things is for class bonding AND raising funds. I dunno hw to say la. I think I'd suggest it to Yi Shien.
oh man..anyway, durin CCN I missed him whaha.
but I knew I have to forget him.
during cellgrp I was shocked that Grace, my CGL mentioned that she wants to wash our feet, in an act of her love for God. in the Bible, Jesus washed the feet of his disciples. I cant imagine it lah, Jesus, the sacred being, the pure unsinning Savior who came down to the world to nail our sins on the cross, washing his disciples feet! the disciples must have cried their hearts out. I cried when Grace spoke some words to me after washing my feet. when she washing I abit paiseh so nv cry.haha..
the other members oso got their feet washed (kinda reminds me of tt time in KC when the principal did tt for some students too!) n I was praying n singing, I kinda felt tt I shouldn't focus on things of the heart anymore (thinking about him). I mean, hello, I know I abit no time to commit if I gone into a r/s. and since I think he's not into me, y should I bother n waste my time thinking n being sad about him when there's more important things like God and studies?
I've been so far away from God..I know I have to go back to Him but its quite hard..and maybe I'm procrastinating. u know, during service I can actually feel that I am losing my spirit.. I keep falling asleep. dont know is tired or just bored. I hope is not the latter. sometimes I really think I have a cold heart. or a heart tt's turns so cold so fast (sorry if I sound insane)
I am just not sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
n some things r just so ironic. like how it's so hard/it takes so much time to forget things of the world like my crush (-.-) n so easy to forget the goodness of God, and the things Jesus has done for us, n blessed us..
I think its really time to get the book I wanted to do long time ago done, which is penning in the book the things God has really blessed me in, my experiences with Him. Tho I have not really been close to Him in experiences as others have (like feeling the weight of God thru belaying of Pastor's hands then "fainting" bcos His Glory is too strong/magnificant for us humans to withstand, for we have fallen short of His glory), I guess penning little experiences n remembering them/keeping them close to my heart constantly helps.
I wish I knew how to play the guitar.
so I could know how to sing n worship you always.
Lord teach me your ways,
and condition my heart from the worldly things
A heart of brokenness is what I seek,
teach me to be humble,
teach me to be free
teach me to be strong,
so I will soar with you
not turning away
posted by tiAsa at 9:06 AM
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