relevations

I was surfing friendster while loading the youtube Hana Kimi episodes, and watching survivor on tv..then from friendster, I had 2 shocking relevations:
one is that my friend ACTUALLY know this other person (shall not elaborate). .
the other is that I actually have the friendster of this person whom I went for makeup cg.. I don't know how leh.
wahlau..

then today, I don't know why but people ignored me..lyk was talking to them on MSN n the next thing I know, they are offline..

bah.
thanks.
hais.forget it man.

I don't know man. sometimes I think people don't really like me.. I don't know if I am thinking too much or what. and I think it's quite normal for me to be "dislikeable" since I have a history of being annoying.haha..

oh well.whatever.

today I learnt something from cellgrp. but I forgot my thoughts of it alr..dammit.wanted to write it down but Grace was already moving on to praying..
think it was something like- nobody is going to step out for you.

if you want changes you gotta step out yourself and do it. nothing's gonna force you or beg you to change if you don't. and I realised Grace kinda sometimes say roughly the same in cg. but I know she's trying and hoping that one day what she shares with us will one day strike a chord in us and we will wake up and rise up from being so "in the world"/ignorant..=/

I guess I am one of the person she's saying. I am ignorant and I still find reading the word and praying a hard thing to do despite being a christian for lyk 1 year? it all boils down to self-discipline. and nobody's gonna do that for me but me. I just need to be disciplined and prioritize my time.. I should not just keep thinking the reason for my spiritual stagnation is because I have a "bloody cold heart" bcos that's a lame excuse to be away from God.. I need to really get down to writing the things He has really blessed me with in a book so I can remember. and I really need to be disciplined in reading His word, and learning the guitar (for praise n worship).

it all boils down to disciplined.
I need to be stronger and more afirm in my decisions.
God..please change me.. I am weak but you are strong!