44.cold n heartless.
damn..i feel so cold n heartless..
smthing is wrong with me i think
it's like..
my "world has changed"(haha reminds me of lyrics of Good Charlotte's We Believe which im listening to now.lols.over n over again!)or mebbe its just PMS..da other dae,i was thinking abt dying can?cos i feel so empty inside.lyk an empty vessel without life.no purpose, no love, no beliefs, no individuality, no decisions or understanding of wad i wan or wad i m-i have nothing!
ytd,in APEL lesson,da teacher asked us abt our goals in life.n i just feel lyk a lost sheep(as alwz larh!).cos i dunno wad im living for.wc said family is most impt to him..i asked myself wad was impt to me,n horrible shits!outta da list i can't figure out wad im living for,n wad my goals r.
im not religious,im not really close to my family,im nt into money,n i admit n can say tt im nt a "true" fren as much as i believe i shld be(when i was younger i thot i was a true fren,n i wanted a true fren n stuffs.but i realised as i grew older deres no such thing.i kno im nt a true fren cos im lyk so self-centered @ times,tt i dun haf time 4 my frens.which results in drifting frenships tt wilt overtime)..so its damn sad larh!i dunno wad im living 4.im lyk just rotting my life awae in earth,with no inspiration,as dead as i can be(wah sound so drama n abit poetic?!).mebbe tis is 1 of da many moments in my life(earlier i felt lyk tis b4 oso n i din go find a solution larh,so tis is smth ttz botherin me n all n thus i haf these many "moments")of self questioning where i feel lyk a fucked up zombie-living yet dead.
da only thing tt kept me goin in life is tt im too scared to die n its also i dun wanna get stuck as a wandering ghost in a place tts nt heaven/hell n furthermore,i feel its sucha waste 2 lyk die when ppl r struggling hard,trying to live..n also,can say most importantly,i live to find the purpose in my life.haha.ytd i asked sasha wad she's living 4 n she's like "today" woot.cool ans girl!she apparently reads my diary.im shocked!lols.sorrie guys if u readin this n haf no idea wad im talkin abt.im nt sucidial dun worrie but i think im goin thru a self-conflict issue.so yeah,if its v drama mama n u buay tahan den dun read..ok back to da issue larh.
im lyk,so complicated.
i think i watch too much tv sia.n with my horrible memory,i turn into some cold blooded heartless idiot/moron.i feel stupid n realised i kno so little abt da world,abt every1..its as if i din live in this world @ all.im so dumb!!GAH..lyk pratically slping all this while while living.n i think i haf low EQ larh!in class towards da ppl,esp da guys(mebbe too many yrs in girls sch)i dunno wad 2 sae in a conversation.lols.its lyk i think wad i say/talk/reply to em da things r v lame n weird larh!mebbe im bein too self-conscious or wadeva but i think esther+sarah thinks im weird.lols..
ya.n i haf low self esteem larhs.haha..funny.today mf so idiotic again.we r lyk sworn enemies/fren(eh..so called "love-hate frenship!?")we keep fighting larh-with 3rd fingers,physical(running n tryin 2 wack him) n verbal abuse(u ahbeng!) but quite fun haha..den he paiseh eden n me..cos accrd 2 him(but i think mf bullshitting larh!)eden said i looked "quite pretty" or wadeva..so he was lyk tellin me in msn larh but i pretended 2 MIA lol..den lyk change topic larh.yeah..den 2dae when @ break we sitting down(+sarah+kavin+KC)2gether chattin larh(tok to kavin haha..i was lyk givin lame replies to him when we talk.mebbe he too shuai scared me awae!!den i sae rubbish!AHAHA no larh!kidding.eh wad shocked me abt him is he look @ girls 2 sae "dey disgusting" lol.lyk a girl in miniskirt..normal guys wld look n drool.i dunno larh mebbe da girl was lyk fat or i dunno wad.i din c..haha.ppl in my class r interesting,indeed.dey so entertaining hoho)den kavin asked me if i kno eden said tt,n i said yeah.den he sae wad oh tt night u cant slp rite,cos too happy?-_-" den i was lyk no..LMAO.i refuse 2 believe eden said tt larh.
im lyk fat(thx 2 wc arh..n dayne's "quite fat" reply)n eh..ugly?look lyk china girl lorh!AHAHA.den kavin crap sae wad when i call him good boy(tt was his msn nick-LMAO 1 of his nick was lyk "dear/darling..u so notti run awae"-referring to his gf or smth..farnie sia!!)make fun of him!! den he sae wad "tt night i cannot slp" righttt~more lyk miss his dear until cannot slp larh!den mf was playin wif my phone dunno bluetoothing wad 2 his phone(cos bt was on when i got it back)den he lyk lookin thru my phonebk ah,laughing wif kavin @ god knowz wad(i suspect my inbox msges..-_-" but when i play wif his phone ah i see his inbox briefly da gf send da msges so filled with extended wrds-dun understand y ppl type lyk tt-> iii lub euu deariex!!..blah(it was lyk 10X worst den tis)or wadeva larh dunno hw 2 mimic em.dey power!!n dey alot of $$ go waste space.i lyk da opp can?save space squeeze everything in..dey lengthen sia!!=x gotta hand it to em..lol.dun really lyk ppl who type lyk tt budden ok i shall nt make perception catagorisation judgements la.heh.o kavin/mf was saying tt i happy when eden sae tt den i will think "aye!?eden oso nt bad rite?"den ask me consider him..lols.farnie shit!dey super crap-i swear.
aiyah.den after tt lect starts so we went off,den walkin off tt time kavin was lyk "later u die" den i was lyk @_@" diaos.i mean wth larh!den i ask him y he sae tt den he lyk sae later he tell me.den yeah..so hw i "died" was cos mf shouted in LT(Gawd!) "iris!!eden sae u pretty!" dunno hw many times.den LMAO.lookin @ eden cowering n lyk denying or wadeva was entertaining.den i ignored em larh..den mf was lyk askin me sit wif eden?den later i obviously nv.den dey moved 2 my side(dey were on da other side)den later yeah..Daphne dey all were lyk "dey trying to matchmake u n eden arh!?" den i was lyk "eh..yeah.sorta?!" haha.wads wif our class tryin 2 matchmake ppl?crazed.is all mf fault.hez lyk NO. 1 DI SIAO-er --_--" *think s back on eden's presentation* eden kinda cute larh..but i dun think he said wadeva mf said he said.cos haha.im nt pretty!!if eden actually said tt..he shld go get his eyes checked..MUAHAHA!
yeah..i haf low self esteem n high self consciousness larh..smtimes i think im so loser.lol..=/ n eh..due 2 my low self esteem up til nw,(sorri ian)i still cant believe ppl will actually lyk me?!n furthermore love.wad is love?i dunno sia.i dunno hw 2 be normal.i dunno hw 2 kiss(i find it quite gross actually.lol..its lyk sucking a lollipop?eww)i dunno hw 2 love..im so sad.im lyk i dunno wad sia..im just so pathetic.
*applies OB theories*
n its lyk..my perception n expectations of wad things shld b is diff frm wad i get.mebbe ttz y i feel im so screwed.i think my perception is screwed cos i watch too much tv!!ahaha..my life pratically revolves ard da tv!!craps.n im lyk super pig n stuffs.keep slping..=/ n oso wah im so dead 4 nxt wk's mid sem test.mainly cos i missed 1wk of lect/tut!!its lyk i dun understand CSA lyk 88percent larh!n econs just nw i realised i din copy last wk's lect n im so dead cos tmr gt SIMON SEAH's tut larh!!=x hw i kno hw 2 do da q sia?oh no..he betta dun call me do qs or i hantam him arh!!ahaha..yeah larh..CSA da tutor went thru mid sem paper lyk 70percent of da q i dunno hw 2 do.30percent is i n e hw guess ans 1.so horrible!sucky feeling to kno u kno so little abt smth u gonna test nxt wk!!its lyk OMG!im lyk freakin out larh.but still procrastinating --_--" but worrying @ da same time.kavin asked if sarah n i wanna go find tutor wif him get 1-2 lesson.cos he dun understand.i think i betta go wif him..unless he nv ask larh den i eh..study myself n pray.haha..
im so dead..kaopeh!
lol o yeah interesting thing tt happened 2dae is i went wif esther go buy sarah's present(heh her bday tis sat!da 3 guys wc,mf,kavin sharing too) den later after esther go i went 2 meet sasha 2 watch Ghost Train.quite a nice movie despite me thinkin it sux to da max,it actually is ok.but i dun understand da wacky storyline abit leh!lol.alot of potholes.tsktsk..jap/korean horrors alwz liddat..=/ haiyoh..
smthing is wrong with me i think
it's like..
my "world has changed"(haha reminds me of lyrics of Good Charlotte's We Believe which im listening to now.lols.over n over again!)or mebbe its just PMS..da other dae,i was thinking abt dying can?cos i feel so empty inside.lyk an empty vessel without life.no purpose, no love, no beliefs, no individuality, no decisions or understanding of wad i wan or wad i m-i have nothing!
ytd,in APEL lesson,da teacher asked us abt our goals in life.n i just feel lyk a lost sheep(as alwz larh!).cos i dunno wad im living for.wc said family is most impt to him..i asked myself wad was impt to me,n horrible shits!outta da list i can't figure out wad im living for,n wad my goals r.
im not religious,im not really close to my family,im nt into money,n i admit n can say tt im nt a "true" fren as much as i believe i shld be(when i was younger i thot i was a true fren,n i wanted a true fren n stuffs.but i realised as i grew older deres no such thing.i kno im nt a true fren cos im lyk so self-centered @ times,tt i dun haf time 4 my frens.which results in drifting frenships tt wilt overtime)..so its damn sad larh!i dunno wad im living 4.im lyk just rotting my life awae in earth,with no inspiration,as dead as i can be(wah sound so drama n abit poetic?!).mebbe tis is 1 of da many moments in my life(earlier i felt lyk tis b4 oso n i din go find a solution larh,so tis is smth ttz botherin me n all n thus i haf these many "moments")of self questioning where i feel lyk a fucked up zombie-living yet dead.
da only thing tt kept me goin in life is tt im too scared to die n its also i dun wanna get stuck as a wandering ghost in a place tts nt heaven/hell n furthermore,i feel its sucha waste 2 lyk die when ppl r struggling hard,trying to live..n also,can say most importantly,i live to find the purpose in my life.haha.ytd i asked sasha wad she's living 4 n she's like "today" woot.cool ans girl!she apparently reads my diary.im shocked!lols.sorrie guys if u readin this n haf no idea wad im talkin abt.im nt sucidial dun worrie but i think im goin thru a self-conflict issue.so yeah,if its v drama mama n u buay tahan den dun read..ok back to da issue larh.
im lyk,so complicated.
i think i watch too much tv sia.n with my horrible memory,i turn into some cold blooded heartless idiot/moron.i feel stupid n realised i kno so little abt da world,abt every1..its as if i din live in this world @ all.im so dumb!!GAH..lyk pratically slping all this while while living.n i think i haf low EQ larh!in class towards da ppl,esp da guys(mebbe too many yrs in girls sch)i dunno wad 2 sae in a conversation.lols.its lyk i think wad i say/talk/reply to em da things r v lame n weird larh!mebbe im bein too self-conscious or wadeva but i think esther+sarah thinks im weird.lols..
ya.n i haf low self esteem larhs.haha..funny.today mf so idiotic again.we r lyk sworn enemies/fren(eh..so called "love-hate frenship!?")we keep fighting larh-with 3rd fingers,physical(running n tryin 2 wack him) n verbal abuse(u ahbeng!) but quite fun haha..den he paiseh eden n me..cos accrd 2 him(but i think mf bullshitting larh!)eden said i looked "quite pretty" or wadeva..so he was lyk tellin me in msn larh but i pretended 2 MIA lol..den lyk change topic larh.yeah..den 2dae when @ break we sitting down(+sarah+kavin+KC)2gether chattin larh(tok to kavin haha..i was lyk givin lame replies to him when we talk.mebbe he too shuai scared me awae!!den i sae rubbish!AHAHA no larh!kidding.eh wad shocked me abt him is he look @ girls 2 sae "dey disgusting" lol.lyk a girl in miniskirt..normal guys wld look n drool.i dunno larh mebbe da girl was lyk fat or i dunno wad.i din c..haha.ppl in my class r interesting,indeed.dey so entertaining hoho)den kavin asked me if i kno eden said tt,n i said yeah.den he sae wad oh tt night u cant slp rite,cos too happy?-_-" den i was lyk no..LMAO.i refuse 2 believe eden said tt larh.
im lyk fat(thx 2 wc arh..n dayne's "quite fat" reply)n eh..ugly?look lyk china girl lorh!AHAHA.den kavin crap sae wad when i call him good boy(tt was his msn nick-LMAO 1 of his nick was lyk "dear/darling..u so notti run awae"-referring to his gf or smth..farnie sia!!)make fun of him!! den he sae wad "tt night i cannot slp" righttt~more lyk miss his dear until cannot slp larh!den mf was playin wif my phone dunno bluetoothing wad 2 his phone(cos bt was on when i got it back)den he lyk lookin thru my phonebk ah,laughing wif kavin @ god knowz wad(i suspect my inbox msges..-_-" but when i play wif his phone ah i see his inbox briefly da gf send da msges so filled with extended wrds-dun understand y ppl type lyk tt-> iii lub euu deariex!!..blah(it was lyk 10X worst den tis)or wadeva larh dunno hw 2 mimic em.dey power!!n dey alot of $$ go waste space.i lyk da opp can?save space squeeze everything in..dey lengthen sia!!=x gotta hand it to em..lol.dun really lyk ppl who type lyk tt budden ok i shall nt make perception catagorisation judgements la.heh.o kavin/mf was saying tt i happy when eden sae tt den i will think "aye!?eden oso nt bad rite?"den ask me consider him..lols.farnie shit!dey super crap-i swear.
aiyah.den after tt lect starts so we went off,den walkin off tt time kavin was lyk "later u die" den i was lyk @_@" diaos.i mean wth larh!den i ask him y he sae tt den he lyk sae later he tell me.den yeah..so hw i "died" was cos mf shouted in LT(Gawd!) "iris!!eden sae u pretty!" dunno hw many times.den LMAO.lookin @ eden cowering n lyk denying or wadeva was entertaining.den i ignored em larh..den mf was lyk askin me sit wif eden?den later i obviously nv.den dey moved 2 my side(dey were on da other side)den later yeah..Daphne dey all were lyk "dey trying to matchmake u n eden arh!?" den i was lyk "eh..yeah.sorta?!" haha.wads wif our class tryin 2 matchmake ppl?crazed.is all mf fault.hez lyk NO. 1 DI SIAO-er --_--" *think s back on eden's presentation* eden kinda cute larh..but i dun think he said wadeva mf said he said.cos haha.im nt pretty!!if eden actually said tt..he shld go get his eyes checked..MUAHAHA!
yeah..i haf low self esteem n high self consciousness larh..smtimes i think im so loser.lol..=/ n eh..due 2 my low self esteem up til nw,(sorri ian)i still cant believe ppl will actually lyk me?!n furthermore love.wad is love?i dunno sia.i dunno hw 2 be normal.i dunno hw 2 kiss(i find it quite gross actually.lol..its lyk sucking a lollipop?eww)i dunno hw 2 love..im so sad.im lyk i dunno wad sia..im just so pathetic.
*applies OB theories*
n its lyk..my perception n expectations of wad things shld b is diff frm wad i get.mebbe ttz y i feel im so screwed.i think my perception is screwed cos i watch too much tv!!ahaha..my life pratically revolves ard da tv!!craps.n im lyk super pig n stuffs.keep slping..=/ n oso wah im so dead 4 nxt wk's mid sem test.mainly cos i missed 1wk of lect/tut!!its lyk i dun understand CSA lyk 88percent larh!n econs just nw i realised i din copy last wk's lect n im so dead cos tmr gt SIMON SEAH's tut larh!!=x hw i kno hw 2 do da q sia?oh no..he betta dun call me do qs or i hantam him arh!!ahaha..yeah larh..CSA da tutor went thru mid sem paper lyk 70percent of da q i dunno hw 2 do.30percent is i n e hw guess ans 1.so horrible!sucky feeling to kno u kno so little abt smth u gonna test nxt wk!!its lyk OMG!im lyk freakin out larh.but still procrastinating --_--" but worrying @ da same time.kavin asked if sarah n i wanna go find tutor wif him get 1-2 lesson.cos he dun understand.i think i betta go wif him..unless he nv ask larh den i eh..study myself n pray.haha..
im so dead..kaopeh!
lol o yeah interesting thing tt happened 2dae is i went wif esther go buy sarah's present(heh her bday tis sat!da 3 guys wc,mf,kavin sharing too) den later after esther go i went 2 meet sasha 2 watch Ghost Train.quite a nice movie despite me thinkin it sux to da max,it actually is ok.but i dun understand da wacky storyline abit leh!lol.alot of potholes.tsktsk..jap/korean horrors alwz liddat..=/ haiyoh..
posted by tiAsa at 1:46 AM
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