some kind of saddness..

theres some kinda sadness within..

Exams was officially over..
the Finance paper was shit. the Marketing paper was alright. the HRM paper was shittier.

hahas..
ytd was the last paper..
n instead of feelin happy, I felt a tinge of saddness.
maybe its the HR paper, maybe it was the leaving of friends, since it was the last day of school til Oct 22nd..
n maybe the rainy, windy weather contributed to the emo mood..hahs.

went home after the paper..
n I just felt so lost. n as I'm writing this I still feel lost.aha.
no excitingness from within.
I only know I'm gonna find a job next.dunno wad job but I want flexibility..so I can finally do the things I wan settled for this holiday.. but its so difficult- admin is SO not flexible, the pay is good, n maybe u can work wif ur friends.. then waitressing is tiring, the pay is not so good, but i might not be able to work wif my friends (bcos my friends dun wan ahha) crap la but wheres my independentness?lol.

anyway, the "lost feelings" I'm feelin right now doesnt make sense.its not supposed to be the case!
afterall, during the exam I was so "looking forward to this day"-when exams are over" but instead, I felt lost.
din know what to do..
for the holidays, with my life.

(I should change my nick to lost girl or something ahaha.afterall I think I always have problems regardin this for some reason.oH! today got lost ahaha.)

n what happened to all the holiday plans I had in mind? they were all gone.
n there was just some kinda of saddness in my heart.

I hate it when I feel sad outta no apparent reason..its not like my life sucks or something.I am considered very blessed. maybe I'm always feelin this because I know theres just some emptiness in it.


then there are just other thoughts in my head recently..
I think people's friendster says who they are..
some people's friendster has lotsa friends photos. some has their bf/gf's photos. some are a mixture of both.some have their fave singers'/vulgar things' photos. some have lotsa photos some a little..lol.
it says things about em.
I dont know what mine says about myself.I cant b bothered.lol.

lol..then there are different kinda people too.
the GLs, the real emos/punksters, the "im just me" people, the plain people..
haha..
n I guess u can call me the plain people..

sometimes I just think my life is without meaning.haas.
I should start reading sis' The Purpose Driven Life book.
lol.n the bible.

just saw little bro watchin armaggedon. in the movies they were speakin abt the meteors as bein the "worst pages of the bible"..then ytd I saw an email about the Indonesian-Chinese conflict/wars in 1998..got gross photos of the girls who died from bein raped/burnt..n the girls "before" photos were posted too.they juz seem like they could perhaps, be ur family/friend etc.. n the fact tt they target the weaker sex is ..I got nothing to say.

I din understand y they had sucha conflict..but it was painful to see.
I think even if they are of not ur race (but they were), its painful..

then I wondered to myself y I wasnt really aware of it.. I think I have forgotten about it.. but it was sucha big thing.. and I was juz felt so idiotic to have forgotten about it.. searched more info abt it online n there were ppl's pleas bein posted online..appealin for other ppl's help to go help them.and how the speculations of y people acted this way..(something abt govt?)

the email tt my friend sent was sucky tho, bcos they said the Indonesians deserved the recent (I think recent la i dont know) tsunami n earthquake at Indonesia. that "why help them"?
that those were a punishment from God..is it really?
but its juz so insensitive. its like wanting to further put divison/conflict within people or something.
the whole email is just ..bad.

n Im really thankful tt I'm living in Singapore..where we are rather caring.because we have to be.. like Singtel recently has the fold hearts thing..dunno they donate how much per heart.. I searched for Today newspapers in my house n I only found 4 hearts ahha..last yr oso folded. so meaningful.aha.then I think tts lyk the only thing I can do.fold.lol.

armaggedon..the things of the world..the many disasters..really made me think tt Jesus is indeed comin back..haha.the last days of the bible is comin! n I wondered to myself if tt day comes, wad will I do? will I stand up for Him?or is my faith too weak?really should take this time to increase my faith lol.. read the bible n all..but the bible is 1 thick book la! ahaa..

really wanna try for GL camp nxt year..dont wanna look back n regret it..life in poly would be so boring if they dont have things like tt..

hmm... theres an interesting site I found ytd. http://wongfuproductions.com found their video Yellow River on youtube n it was funny.Phillip is cute! they are like film students doin videos for school I think.lol.then their My Unspoken Words is nice too.they made a movie recently..look so "A Walk To Remember" lol.

meaningful quotes from the clips:
"ppl buy things look for love just to be a little happier in their lives"
"behind every broken dream is a broken spirit"

random quotes:
"life may not be the party we hoped for. but while we are here, we should dance."
"it takes courage to grow up and become who you really are"